I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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