I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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