I want to stick my p in your. b.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
