Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
