if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
