Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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