I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.