11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off