ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.