Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.