he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.