She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
