best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
