Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
