hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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