I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
