Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
