in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
