so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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