i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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