best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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