Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
