I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
