Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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