She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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