hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
