Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
