Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
