roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
