I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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