Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
