Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you win again, gameday.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
