Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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