So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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