is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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