its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
