The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
