He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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