I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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