you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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