Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
