oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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