Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
