In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
