tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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