i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
