there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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