Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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