He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
