dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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