i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
