my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i think i have two assholes
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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