just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
