that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
