She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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