the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
