Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
