It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
