Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
