The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize